Refugee Family Lives Changed by Role Model Man Approach

April 21, 2018

Peter Gismala “Sakata” is a South Sudanese refugee living in Rhino Camp Refugee Settlement in Northwestern Uganda. With his wife Besta, he has two children and arrived in Uganda in August 2016.

Peter Gismala, Wife Besta and Children at their home

 in Ariwa Village, Rhino Camp Refugee Settlement, Arua District Uganda.

“When I first reached Uganda, life was difficult and I resorted to over drinking alcohol and taking drugs like mairungi and opium as a way of coping with life at the refugee settlement. This instead made me become violent and aggressive to my family and friends.

I would come home late, after 12:30am, very drunk and never cared whether the family had eaten or not. I would beat my wife whenever she tried to plead with me to come home early. Several times I came home when I had urinated and defecated on myself. Whenever my wife asked me about it, I would just beat her. My wife tried several times to advise me to change but instead I would beat her and chase her to either sleep outside or at the neighbors.

Whenever my wife asked me to give her money to buy a piece of soap, I would tell her that there is no money while she would wonder where I got money to buy alcohol. “You come home drunk and you always dirtify yourself with urine and feces yet am the one to wash, children fall sick and I am the one to walk to the health center and you don’t even provide me transport.”  At one point she regretted why she even came with me to Uganda, “I wish I knew that you were going to behave like this I would have remained in South Sudan. If you had started this when we were still in South Sudan, I would have gone back to our home rather than come here to suffer.”

One day my mum sat me down and tried to advise me about my excessive drinking alcohol but I replied to her with slaps; “How can you tell me to leave alcohol, my best friend, mum, brother and my other friends that I drink together with?” This forced my mother to relocate to Bidibidi Refugee Settlement in Yumbe District because she could not tolerate me anymore. My brother also got annoyed and left home. He went to Imvepi Refugee Settlement. Besides beating my wife and my mum, I also engaged in fights with other people in the trading center, coupled with stealing food rations whenever my wife was away. Every time my wife asked me about it, I would instead beat her for asking.

One day I was requested to go for a community meeting organized by CARE in our village and I went. During the meeting, we were told that they came to select people to be trained as Role Model Men. I didn’t like the idea at all but the community identified me to be among people to be trained. I attended the training, which took place in November 2017 and it was about engaging men. I was really uncomfortable during the training and I was completely lost and kept asking myself many questions. I asked myself  “This person training us does not stay in my village, he is not my relative and not even my friend, how come he talks as if he knows everything about me? This is the first time I am meeting this trainer but how comes he talks as if he knows me?”  I later said to myself that if this is what God wants, so be it.

After the training, I came home and laid down, lost in thoughts. I asked myself “When I go to church they preach against my deeds. My family and relatives are always talking about me and all the bad things I am doing. Again this person from CARE who conducted the Role Model Men training was also talking like he has been in my life and family.” I kept reflecting on the training and after a while, I started coming home early when sober.

One day I got the shock of my life when I was playing with my son who is in nursery middle class. He asked me “Daddy what happened to you? How come these days you come home early and you no longer beat or quarrel with mum? How come these days you don’t urinate and defecate on yourself? Daddy what happened?” I had no answer to him at that moment but inside I kept asking myself for how long had my son quietly watched me but never said anything. I felt so embarrassed because I thought my son never knew what I was doing because I would usually find him sleeping when I came home. From there on I decided to stop what I was doing. I started sharing work with my wife at home, started providing for my family by driving a boda-boda (motorcycle taxi), started spending time with children at home (something that I was not doing at all) and started taking my child to school.

At first my wife could not believe these changes and kept telling me that she is giving me one month to see if am not pretending. But to her surprise, I got even closer to her and continued doing many things that I never did before. One day she asked me, “Peter what happened to you and why have you changed like this?” I responded to her that this is a result of the training I attended. I realized that the whole world was against me, in church, at home and with some friends apart from the ones we drink with, they never liked what I was doing.  Then my wife Besta responded that “Eeh, eeh, eeh..… I am really thankful to CARE for bringing these big changes to my family. My eyes are now seeing what I was not seeing and my ears are now hearing what my husband never said before.” She added, “I wish CARE could continue with such training's because I know someone somewhere is suffering in her own home like I was and I know CARE can turn that suffering and torture to total happiness. I cannot stop thanking CARE.”

When my mum heard about the good news, she came to visit us and she could not believe the life I am living. When I shared with her that I attended a training organized by CARE for the role model men, she asked me, “Who is CARE?” I told her that “Mum, CARE is an organization working in this settlement. They are the one's that organized the training for men to be role models.”  She continued asking with shock, “Who is that person who taught you that knowledge? What tribe? From where?” I responded that, “The person works with CARE. The community selected me to be trained and that is how my life changed mum.” Even my brother who left home because I was mistreating him has come back. My mum has also accepted to come back and stay with us and I have built a house for her.

I am talking to other men and male youth in my area but it is not easy. Some men don’t want to hear what we tell them, some tell us that “CARE trained you people to be cooks.” This is because in South Sudan you marry a woman to cook and work for you. However I am seeing my friends who I was drinking with start to change and I am always talking to them. The Boda-Boda stage is different now as people no longer fight and excessively drink alcohol; If my friend was here right now, he would have testified to you about this.

I want to thank God and CARE for bringing Role Model Men training to us. I want to thank members of my community for selecting me to be trained as a Role Model Man. I am so proud that my family is considered by many to be a model family in Ariwa.

Story Compiled By: Charles Lily

CARE West Nile, Arua Field Office

Edited By: Brandi Murley

CARE West Nile, Arua Field Office