Rwanda: From Daniel and Jacqueline's Toxic Traditions to Marital Harmony

Daniel and Uzamukunda Jacquelin riding the bicycle together. CARE Rwanda

In 1997, Muhawenimana Daniel and Uzamukunda Jacqueline embarked on a daunting journey of marriage that was extremely difficult and full of challenges that put a lot of strain on their well-being and family life. Their home environment was toxic due to harmful cultural traditions and gender norms. Daniel, influenced by societal expectations, believed he should have complete authority over all household decisions, finances, and property management. This power imbalance led to a lack of communication, and understanding, and went as far as leading Daniel into intimate partner violence.

Financial mismanagement exacerbated their problems, compounded by Daniel's excessive drinking. Influenced by destructive impulses from his paternal family, he engaged in polygamous relationships, neglecting his responsibilities to provide for his family. Jacqueline was left struggling to afford basic needs such as their children's education. Jacqueline endured years of unhappiness and insecurity in her own home due to the psychological and economic abuse. She recounted, "I got to a point where I didn't want to smile in front of my husband because I knew that whenever he came home, we would start to fight."

The turning point came when they were introduced to the "Journey of Transformation" curriculum through the BAHO (Building and Enhancing Household Order) project, implemented by CARE Rwanda and RWAMREC. This initiative aims to empower couples like Daniel and Jacqueline to address toxic behaviours, harmful norms, and the effects of intimate partner violence (IPV) through a combination of digital training via the piloted "Indy app" and in-person guided sessions.

While in-person training is valuable, combining it with digital training helps overcome associated challenges, such as financial burdens for participants travelling long distances. They preferred the digital option as it allowed them to learn at their own pace while attending to daily responsibilities. Daniel noted, "I can combine attending the training with my daily activities while using the app. When we attend the trainings face-to-face, we can't plan anything else, especially since we have to travel very far, and spend 16,000 FRW daily to attend."

The impact of the training was transformative for Daniel and Jacqueline. Confronted with the consequences of his actions and beliefs, Daniel underwent a significant change. He ceased harmful behaviors like excessive drinking and polygamy and actively worked to rebuild trust and communication in their marriage. The newly established dialogue and understanding restored harmony and enabled collaborative decision-making and shared responsibilities. Jacqueline, once burdened by fear and uncertainty, found comfort and security. Daniel reflected, "I had not seen my wife with a smile for so long. Now, we talk about everything and laugh all the time. I also feel relieved because we consult each other on family decisions. It relieves the pressure of making decisions alone."

Daniel, Uzamukunda Jacquelin's children seated together. CARE Rwanda

Their children, who had previously witnessed years of discord, now grew up in a loving, respectful environment with positive examples. Daniel and Jacqueline's story shows the power of education, dialogue and resilience in overcoming deep-rooted family challenges. Jacqueline added, "Now, our youngest child can't even go to bed without seeing his father. This is completely the opposite of how they used to hide whenever they heard him come back home. I am even able to enjoy small things such as him riding a bicycle carrying me, when before he could never allow me that."